fuck

I might have said to my new boyfriend when I was drunk saturday, that I had a sort of ED. I think I told him that I not starving myself specially, only sometimes when I know I am alone for like three days. But that I eat like a normal person when I am with people, and really binge and purge when I am alone.
And that my last relationship was ruined because of the way I need things to be, and he didn't understand me...

He had been scared to confront me with all those things I told him, but now I just got a message from him, that we need to talk about it tonight, he has many unanswered questions. But he also said that he understand if I don't want to talk about it.
I don't know what to do, because I feel very hard to talk about it, and I don't like people to know how I feel. It is only my last BF who know it. And he din't accept it, so .. ohh god!
I think I need to have the talk, and answer the most og his questions. Try to make him understand that this is me, and he not have to understand why I do it, but to learn to life with it because I don't want to change anything. OR do I?
I know I want to be skinny!, so ya I want to change things, MY BODY!

I was all by myself last night the first time in a week, and i ate all possible food I had, I even went over to McDonalds when I had eat all my food. That was a huge binge, and I couoldn't stop, I purged 5 times!! Sometimes I wish that I just could starve myself, than binge&purge...
Or just never be alone...